Mostly I Just Blame Myself
by Black Rose Blue
Summary: Percy tells Ron a secret he swore never to tell. Sensitive issues inside.


**This contains a canon character telling another canon character that they help someone get an abortion. I don't know if this pro-choice or not, but this is what came out and I hope it's respectful enough for people that have been in this situation. This may seem a little cold and analytical, but I think Percy would be like this both regularly and especially in this situation.**

**Written for the Sensitive/Controversial Challenge at the HPFC forum.**

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Percy Weasley had a secret. It was a secret he swore never to tell anybody and he intended to keep that secret. He knew that anyone found out about this information they would hate him more than they already did. That was why he so glad to finally get it off his chest one day.

It was Ron he told. It was two years after the Battle, two years after everything. He didn't build up to it; he didn't slowly poke around to find a good spot to fit it in. They weren't drunk, though they were drinking firewhiskey on a balcony at the Burrow and if anyone found out about him telling Ron, he would claim he was. He just upped and said it:

"I helped a girl get an abortion when I was fifteen. It wasn't mine though."

Despite the seriousness of the topic, Percy couldn't help giving a small grin when Ron spit his drink out. The grin was gone by the time Ron looked up, shocked written all over his face.

"_What!"_

Percy looked calmly at Ron. "You heard me."

Ron scoffed and looked over the balcony, holding his drink and looking at like the simple thought of it could make this conversation make sense. He eventually decided that he needed more than a thought and after taking a swing asked Percy, "You want to talk about it?"

Percy joined Ron in looking over the balcony. "It's weird, but I actually kind of do."

He knew Ron was uncomfortable, but at this moment he never loved his brother than when he stayed and said, "How did it happen?"

"Her name was Gwendolyn Pierce. You remember her? She was that choir girl that could sing really well."

Ron frowned for a minute before he brightened up like a light had turned on. "You mean Gwendy Pierce? Yeah, I remember her. Mum use to say that it was too bad she was a Muggle and couldn't know about magic or else Mum would probably have her babysits us. Wait, _she_ was the girl?"

Percy sighed. "Yes, she was the girl. We actually lost our virginity's to each other in the summer between third and fourth." He saw Ron's look. He knew that not only lost his younger than his brother's, but chronologically too. He wasn't proud of it.

"The . . . fetus was conceived in the late spring, when I was still in Hogwarts, so that's I knew it wasn't mine. Plus, Gwendy would have told me. I don't know who the father was she never told me that, but she did say that he wanted nothing to do with her and the . . . fetus." Throughout all the years since this had passed, in Percy's thoughts it was always 'baby' or 'child', but he could never bring himself to say it, choosing to use the less personal 'fetus'. He also always wondered who the father was, wishing that he had stepped up. There were a few times that he sometimes wondered if even Gwendy didn't know who the father was, but knowing Gwendy, the only way that could happen was too horrific for Percy to even think about.

Ron nodded, not even realizing what he was doing. "So why'd she come to you?"

Percy shrugged. "Frankly, I don't even know. Sometimes I'm glad that I was the one that she came to and sometimes I wish that I'd never even crossed her mind.

"After she told me though, somehow or another we got to the topic of an abortion, we both decided that it was the best decision. She wasn't ready to be a mother and her parents would be no help as they were both drunks that just cleaned up their acts on Sunday. She couldn't go through the entire pregnancy, the looks, the accusations, the pain, so we decided.

"We drove to London in her dad's car and we didn't talk the entire time. Three and a half hours of silence. We probably didn't have to drive that far, but we both didn't want to risk anyone seeing and in that big a city it was the best option. Every time she would shift or open her mouth as if she wanted to say something, I expected her to say 'Turn around.' But she never did. She never did. And then it happened and we came back and I took care of her for two days straight and then she never wanted to see me again because she placed all the blame on me. And I don't blame her. I really truly don't blame her. Because she needed someone to blame and I was there and I would had to take it to make her feel better and sometimes I hate her for it, but I never blame her. Mostly I just blame myself."

Percy was in tears by the end of this, leaning one of his arms against the balcony and putting his face in that hand. Ron said nothing, but just took the firewhiskey out of Percy's hand and put it with his on the ground before hugging his older brother and let him just cry it out.

Percy and Ron Weasley had a secret. It was a secret they swore never to tell anybody and they intended to keep that secret.

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**Please review even if it's to tell me it sucks.**


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